


Beautiful Distraction ( One Part Sweetness, Two Parts Passion)

by TrainThoughts



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23002432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrainThoughts/pseuds/TrainThoughts
Summary: The Aftermath of Debbie Fogle
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Beautiful Distraction ( One Part Sweetness, Two Parts Passion)

See, the thing with Jake and Amy talking about _stuff_ was that they would always get distracted- by each other. Whenever they wanted to talk about anything important, the topic would inevitably change - multiple times - by the most stupid stuff. A by-product of the banter which formed the start of their relationship. Here's an example! 

Jake really wanted to talk to Amy about Debbie and Amy wanted to tease Jake about Debbie, but they kept getting sidetracked.

Jake was given the rest of the day off, but Amy, being the arresting officer, had to go in and handle the paperwork. Not that she minded. Arrest reports were not so common for her these days, her role being more administrative. Not that she minded that, either!

Another thing she didn't mind - coming home, after a long day of hard work, to find her husband in the kitchen, swaying to music, as he cooked lasagna for two. 

"Babe, that looks wonderful!" She trilled, hugging him from behind. She wasn't usually that sappy right after work, but she was hungry. Also her husband looked ridiculously adorable like this: curls dishevelled because he kept running his hands through his hair while he decided on the quantities of the ingredients (obviously, he refused to use a recipe, preferring instinct - thank God, his instincts were usually good), glasses askew on his nose, apron messy because he couldn't do a single task without spilling something somewhere. Plus the way his eyes lit up and his lips broke into a smile when he saw her- _gorgeous_. Did she mention she was really hungry? 

"Chicken lasagna!" He announced."-And I added that healthy green stuff-" 

"Spinach?" 

"- maybe, but yuck, I hope not."

"Well, it's either spinach or peas or those ridiculous candies you eat, because there's no other green stuff in the house. Oh God, it isn't the mold from Charles' terrible stew, is it?!" 

Jake shuddered. "God, no, I've been avoiding that entire shelf. We should really throw that out!" 

Amy shrugged as she poured herself a glass of water and pushed herself up to sit on the counter. _She_ wasn't going to go near that stew. Charles had brought it over a few weeks ago, claiming it was made from 'the good parts of various seafood' and 'lots of love' and had winked and raised his eyebrows enough times to it made them realise that it had something to with this trying for a baby thing that they'd decided to do. 

Amy had forced a smile and pushed the container to the back of the junk food shelf. (Maybe at least then she'd stop snacking on the peanut butter flavored crackers Jake had gotten her hooked on to. She _inhaled_ them, packet by packet, and her tummy was taking notice.)

Charles had told them to 'not put it in the refrigerator and eat it immediately' but they'd only followed the first part. 

She began to undo her tie, watching the muscles in Jake's back move as he opened the foil over the lasagna and carefully served it onto two plates. He was always so reckless and over the years Amy had become an expert in treating burns. 

"Aren't you going to take a shower first, or-?"

"Oh, hell no, I'm starving, please give me food," she begged and Jake chuckled, turning around to poke her. 

"Almost done, ma'am," he said, and bent down to kiss her. He tasted of chocolate, so Amy deepened the kiss. 

As Jake gingerly set down the plates on the table, she told him that Rosa was made the In-charge of the Debbie case. "She's talking to the DA, we're hoping for a lighter sentence. Wow, this tastes really good!" 

Jake beamed. "Thank you! It was made from the worst parts of a bird and all my brotherly love." 

"Urgh, shut up!" 

He laughed at her indignation and they quieted for a bit, enjoying the meal- rather, Jake savoured it, silently congratulating himself on his massively improved culinary skills, while watching Amy shovel it down, fork after fork. 

"Ames?"

Amy looked up from her plate and swallowed a huge bite. "What?"

"So, umm...do I look like Mr. Bean?" 

"What?!"

"Mr.Bean! Y'know, that British actor-"

"I know who he is!"

"Do I look like him?"

Amy gave him a searching look, and Jake struggled to keep his features straight and nonchalant. 

"No..." She said after a while, still giving him that questioning look. 

"Really?"

"I mean, why would you even ask that? Who said something?" 

"Why does anyone have to- Okay, it was Debbie." 

"Debbie? Drug girl Debbie?"

"How dyou know she called herself that?"

"Because she called herself that. Many times. That was before she passed out, of course."

"Oh God, yeah, that paramedic was shocked she'd held out so long." 

"So...she called you Mr. Bean?" 

"No, she said I looked like Mr. Bean." He hesitated. "She thinks he's sexy."

Amy pulled a face. "What?!" 

"So...Debbie might have had this, umm-"

"Crush on you?" Amy asked. Jake's head shot up to meet her eyes. She grinned at him, clearly enjoying his discomfort. 

"What? No!" At her sceptical look, he backtracked. "I mean, yes, kinda, a bit -"

Amy laughed. When Debbie told her Jake thought she smelled like shit, she was more confused than anything. Jake had tried to explain, but there was a drug lord they had to arrest, and Jake's protests were drowned out by the Mirandizing.

She hadn't gotten to talk to Jake until the paramedics were done with him - _just some bruising on the abdomen_ \- EMT Jess had reassured her. When she'd asked him how he had gotten the bruises, he'd waved her off - "-sometime during the fight, Rosa got punched too, oh, is Terry calling you?" Terry wasn't calling her, but he did inform her she could fill out Gnucci's arrest forms, so her attention was diverted.

Jake cleared his throat. "So, about the, ahem, smell thing -" 

"It's okay, Rosa told me!"

"What? No, don't believe her! What did she say?'

"She said that-"

"No wait, let me explain- so we were just trying to throw Debbie off the scent-"

"By telling her I smell like shit??" 

"No! I mean yes, I did tell her that you smell like shit BUT I DIDN'T MEAN IT-" 

Jake raised his voice to drown out the fake sounds of disappointment Amy was making. "You don't smell like shit! You smell like - "

At that, he lurched forward and stuck his nose into the collar of her shirt, almost pushing Amy off her chair. 

"Jake!" She exclaimed, and grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt to keep from tumbling down. He grabbed her arm to steady her, but caught her boob by mistake, causing her to squeal loudly and punch him in the nose.

-2 mins later- 

"I'm sorry I pushed the plates down." Jake said sheepishly as Amy came out of the kitchen with the broom and dusting pan. 

Amy burst out laughing. "Oh, Jake, how do things always go from 0 to 100 with you?" 

She hip-checked him on the way, and he grabbed her by the hips and planted a wet kiss on the side of her head. "What's the count now?"

"Seventeen," she sighed. "Just one more and then we'll be done with the wedding gifts." 

They'd been dating for 2 months when Jake first broke one of Amy's plates. It wasn't until the fourth broken plate till she started to keep count, though.

"What do we do then? Get married again!?"

"We buy more plates. _Get married_ again, _honestly_ ,babe. You're a piece of work!" She snorted.

"Oh, and you smell like sweat and grime and the subway at prime time." He said loudly, but Amy only smirked at him.

"But you like it!"

"Ewww, no I don't!" 

"Yes you do!- and I'll prove it!" She said, seductively. 

He'd only just begun to laugh - too bad he scrunched up his face, because then he couldn't see her narrow her eyes and attack him.

"Oh! Whoa, Ames, caref- Oh."  
She slipped her hand into the waistband of his sweats and Jake gave her a wide eyed look. "I mean, if you do that- Oh!"

"For the record," she said, while she pushed him onto the chair and bent down to blow him, "I don't think you look like Mr.Bean. And Debbie may be a drug-girl but we do have one thing in common- I guess we both have a crush on you."

She winked at Jake (or, tried to, but Jake was well-versed with her barely passable winks and loved them) and he grinned back dopily, breathing fast in anticipation of what was to come. He could have _shut up_ then, and spent some quality time with his wife, but _no_. He was Jake. Messing things up was his default setting. "Oh, you have another thing in common, though!" 

"What?" Amy asked, looking up at him, slightly annoyed to have been disturbed from the task at hand, but mostly curious.

That's when Jake processed what he had said and retrospectively bit his tongue. "Oh, um, haha, nothing, I mean- nothing big, it's just a joke! Just that, Debbie mentioned how she was jealous of her brother and how her mother favored him over her and I thought of you..." 

This led to ten seconds of horrified silence, followed by:

"WHY do you have to mention my family when we're doing something sexual-"  
"I know, I'm sorry-"  
"-And Debbie and I aren't the ONLY girls in the world with brother-issues-"  
"Yeah, that's true-"  
"-It's very common! Why would you bring THAT up at this time-" 

See? Distracted.


End file.
